Days of Youth
by Na Do-hyang
Published in Baekjo (1922.1)

It was a spring morning, when the morning dew was just beginning to fade from the tips of the grass. The soft air seemed to collect all the scents of the universe, wash them in clear water like the Milky Way, and deliver that deep and sweet fragrance on a thin breeze. The scent of flowery grass came from all sides.

Sitting blankly with his legs stretched over soft grass that was like a young goddess's breast, drunk on the invisible energy of a spring day that seemed to paralyze the human soul like a hypnotic drug... was Jo Cheol-ha. In his face, youthful, ruddy, and burning, no youth could be seen, only an indefinable light of sorrow. Occasionally, he let out a sigh that seemed to break his very heart. Rising, he walked with slow steps to beneath a twisted tree, where a stream flowed. The flowing clear water ran on, murmuring playfully. White clouds drifting high in the blue sky were reflected in the clear stream, shimmering and twinkling.

A single oriole sang from that tree. A white butterfly sat upon the nearby pasque flower, slowly folding and unfolding its wings. Cheol-ha sang within himself a sentimental song, a song that held some bundled sorrow.

All that surrounded him was delight and joy. It was cunningly crafted art. It was music.

Yet the sound of the song rising from his lips, and the expression in his eyes, amidst all this joy, delight, and beautiful surroundings, were only a melancholia that felt like tears, and a sentimentality that seemed to erase his entire being.

He cried out in his heart.

"O God! Did you make my heart swell and fill me with unspeakable suffocation when I face the sunshine that glistens like a virgin’s skin on a spring morning? When I encounter a stream flowing chatteringly, lightly, and actively? When I see a butterfly dancing gracefully, a smiling flower, a twinkling star, or the Milky Way flowing through the sky? Ah, did you throw a sprite of anguish into the boiling blood that flows through my limbs? Did you pour the devil’s elixir of sentimentality?

Ah, Devil, have you seen how red and burning my heart is? My heart kissed the warm, honey-like love of a sprite at midnight, and it is redder than the red laurel that blooms in the morning. The blood that circles my entire body is even purer than the pitiful blood of a lamb caught to be sacrificed on the Demon-King's altar. It is pure, so pure. Ah, are you trying to steal it away? Are you going to throw it into your eternal flames?"

From his youth, this young man... when the evening sun was lazily sinking over the western hills... whenever he heard the sad cry of the tofu vendor going past his gate in the red sunset, calling out, 'Buy tofu!', or the sound of ground-breaking laborers singing their work songs, 'Eleolleo Sangsadiyā.' Or when he heard the sound of a monk clanging gongs and begging at a house where a virgin was guarding alone on a quiet summer day... and, above all, when he heard a mother weeping, crying tears as she lamented her child's eternal departure on a dawn morning when the crescent moon was drifting lazily over the western hills... Ah, white clouds drifting endlessly in the sky, carry my soul hidden within my heart and this body ruled by it, gracefully and softly, to that endless edge of the sky. In that formless and invisible sound, let me be mixed and mixed again, so that I am not myself, sound is not sound, I am not sound, and sound is not me, transforming and dissolving, and eternally wishing to flow through this world full of suffering, full of falsehood, full of futility, like dreaming, like being drunk.

From his youth, he was endlessly moved by the subtle sounds of nature. He wiped away his tears alone when he heard the evening bell, and embraced a little girl who passed by singing a children's song.

He also read many books on music. And above all, when he watched opera or musical drama, which is a collection of art, when he saw the light, lovely, and unspeakably lustful movements of the leading lady on the stage, her steps rhythmically matched... Or when a virgin dressed like a goddess sang a sorrowful song and an actor with the charm of a prince... and their voices harmonized with everything, granting him only unutterable fantasies. Only overflowing ideals. Only the sorrow of life.

He stood now under a tree, clenched his fist and punching the air, and said,

"If only I were a musician! The greatest and most extreme art in the world is music. I will become a musician."

After a moment, he said again,

"No, no. It is not . For me to name myself a musician is a foolish act. It is because I have not yet transcended the world. That is it. It is merely to put music within me, and for me to enter music."

On his face, a smile mocking everything in this world seemed to overflow. He remained still for a long moment. Then, suddenly, a faint tear formed in his eye. And clenching his fist again, he cried out:

"Ugh... what is a family, I should break it all to pieces. Family is a form of love. A family without love is a lifeless corpse. Ah, how many families in this world are like lifeless corpses? Why did you give birth to me, pitiful father and pathetic mother? Why will you not let me leave when I only want to gaze upon true truth and the pinnacle of life? Mother and Father, how heartbreaking your thoughts must have been when you gave birth to and raised me. Mother, one dawn day you were carrying me when a thief entered our house, and in trying to flee over the wall you stepped on a long nail with your bare foot... Ah, Mother, even now, just thinking of it pierces my heart. However, Mother, your such compassion and affection have become in vain. While shedding tears I can scarcely bear, I will leave family behind and go to where I am meant to go."

When he was thus agitated, a gentle woman’s voice was heard from behind him.

"Then, let us go together..."

Turning, he put a smile into his eyes filled with tears. The tears in his eyes shone even more clearly. Tears flowed down and dropped upon his cheeks.

"Ah, Older Sister! Ah, Yeongbin."

he said, extending his hand. Older Sister saw her younger brother's tears and, as if mocking, said:

"The poet has many tears..."

laughing a hearty laugh. The young man named Yeongbin, who came with her, let out a booming laugh, and an expression showing something very unpleasant appeared:

"Tears are the grandfather of comfort, hahaha."

Cheol-ha wiped away his tears and, with a faint smile like a child, asked,

"Why are you only coming now? I have been waiting a long time. But how did it go?"

Yeongbin cut in and answered for him.

"It is all... wrong. Because he proudly declared Darwin's theory, stating that a businessman’s son should follow his father’s occupation and studies just as he inherits mental traits, I have nothing more to say... but... as a third party... even your sister tried reasoning with him, but... anyway, right from the start..."

Hearing this, with a calm that came from excessive disappointment, Cheol-ha instead put a stunning smile on his face,

"Ah, the theory of a second-generation evolutionist is quite broad in its scope..."

However, his sister Gyeong-ae, with a gentle and soft expression, approached him, and said:

"It seems there is no need for such deep sorrow. Seeing you cry every day, Mother often mentions it to Father, but since he is naturally so busy, it seems she hasn't yet been able to speak with him in detail... but anyway, surely we can't fail to send just you to music school. Mother even said she would if Father doesn't, so... do not worry at all, understand? Behind you, you have two women supporters who are like soft, new cotton. After all, Father is doing this because he has briefly lost his senses, but it is not as if he is completely ignorant of how useful art is to society... now then... let's not be this way and slowly head home. And this evening, let's go and watch an opera at the Central Theater. What is this? A man keeps on crying... were you heartbroken? Hahaha. Come now, let's go, quickly."

Oh, the soft heart of Gyeong-ae like a spring mirage, her tone of voice as light as a breeze from an angel’s wing. His sister’s that heart and tone completely melted all the passionate mass that felt as if rising in the air in Cheol-ha's chest. That melted mass poured forth as tears.

"Older Sister, my heart grows lonelier and lonelier. I can trust no one, neither Father nor Mother. Who am I to trust? There is no one I can trust, Older Sister, except you. Only Older Sister can know that hidden and gathered thing in my heart."

His pleading affection swelled up in his heart, and shedding tears, he grasped his sister’s hand. However, in the sensuous act of holding a woman's hand, despite her being his sister, he felt a certain youthful sensation pass through his chest without his knowledge. He quickly let go of her hand.

Around sunset, they walked over a vast meadow hill. Gyeong-ae folded her parasol, holding it as a staff over the grass, walking as she lightly kicked the hem of her skirt with her shoe. Yeongbin held a large book with gold lettering, following beside her. Cheol-ha walked slightly ahead of the two, as if blocking their way. In the village, evening fog spread in the air, making that once-clear air faint, and painting the vividly blue grass in grey. Gyeong-ae spoke to Yeongbin again,

"I do not know what art is, but are artists all like that?"

she said, pointing to her younger brother. Yeongbin coughed a couple of times, and said:

"Indeed. One who wishes to taste art, and especially one who has tasted art, is like a virgin wishing to taste love, or one who already has."

and he stared casually at Gyeong-ae's face. There seemed to be meaning in that staring. Gyeong-ae, avoiding Yeongbin's intense gaze, looked back at Cheol-ha, her expression seeming to ask, 'Is that really true?' and thought:

"I will sympathize with you again. Until now, I only sympathized with you as brother and sister, but from now on, I will truly sympathize with your aching heart."

The reason for this was that she, too, had experienced an intolerable pain of heart because of love. Love is something that leaves, leaps over, and escapes everything in this world. It is not true love to consider situations or times, like when a writer takes down and writes the spiritual score called by God, or when musicians, artists, and actors are transformed into their art and escape everything in this world.

Gyeong-ae loves Yeongbin. Yeongbin also says he loves Gyeong-ae. Gyeong-ae is love, love is Gyeong-ae, Yeongbin is love, love is Yeongbin. Love, Yeongbin, and Gyeong-ae are one body. The three of them ate dinner at some restaurant, and Cheol-ha parted from the two and went somewhere alone.

Two weeks passed. Cheol-ha sat in his room every day and cried. He only considered his older sister, who was like a single hair of his hope, to understand art, know his heart, and support him. Ah, fairy of the sky, sprite of the seashore, you will wrap me up for my sake. Only something sublime and pure can wrap something sublime and pure, so you will wrap me up. Because art is sublime and pure.

Every evening, he had a dream. In each dream he met an angel, and from the angel, he received beautiful music. The sound of that music transformed everything into something as white as a white cloud rising above the horizon on a summer day, and as white as a spring mirage behind that, and after that, it transformed into a slender and distant sound of music that trembled like a single lonely violin line. He seemed to flow eternally with that musical sound to an unutterable place. Without a single small worry, only with beauty and unspeakable delight... As he flowed with that sound, it did not flow with an irregular beat like when we ride something on earth, but was incessant and unchanging, so his delight did not appear as a fitful laugh, but his sleeping face was filled with a brilliant smile, and the brilliant moonlight leaked in through the window, making his face shine all the more.

Just as he was flowing along for some time, he woke up with a jerk. Pain and resentment arose again. When he opened the window and looked at the yard filled with moonlight, something icy seemed to cool his blood. He cried again. His crying was never like when one hears a temple bell at twilight, coming from a spiritless sorrow that chills the heart, but like a crying sound that came with a grief like the sobbing that breaks a young widow's heart, which rises from a house in a riverbank village when silvery waves dance on blue water. He cried, burying his head on his arms.

He called in his heart, "Angel." and again called, "Maiden."

"What are you all doing? Is it the moon shooting down its light, or the stars whispering, or the sand sparkling, or the dew on the leaves reflecting the moonlight and flashing, or chilling my entire body's blood, or paining my heart... Whether it is you, Angel, or you, Witch, or whether someone’s sorcery is paining me, or if some form in a past world that suffered brokenhearted from me has become an angel or a witch to pain me, whichever among you is strong, take me away. Angel or witch, and take your most terrible method of revenge. However, you must not give me an unbearable red kiss when you take me.

And if you are both equal in power, tear me apart into two. No, no, wait a moment, I have a small hope. It is my older sister."

He slept again.

The next day, Gyeong-ae woke, washed, and with a troubled look, approached her younger brother. As she approached the bed where her younger brother lay, she said,

"Wake up quickly, why do you sleep until now?"

"Be still. I am having a pleasant dream now."

"What dream?"

Gyeong-ae paused for a moment and then continued,

"But what about Yeongbin? I haven't met him once since then, and there is no letter, so... I do not know if he is unwell or not. It has already been two weeks, hasn't it? But surely nothing else is wrong. You go visit him today, after breakfast..."

Cheol-ha grinned, turned his head towards the wall and lay down, snapping,

"I hate it. Do I only do such errands? What about Yeongbin, pretending to know something, what kind of an artist is he? How angry I get, even now just thinking about it makes me furious. When I was just waiting for Older Sister to come... wondering if some good news would come... he started talking about things I didn't ask, 'It's all... wrong. A businessman’s son should...'. Knowing nothing and babbling like that, it really makes me want to beat him senseless. The bastard."

Sensimental Cheol-ha said all that came to mind and lay down again. His sister's face turned red and then pale. No matter that it was her younger brother, it was hard to endure him insulting her lover. Yet there was nothing she could say, and forced to endure her anger, she said:

"Just you wait and see. Do you think anything will become of you if you do not listen to me? Fine."

and stood up to leave. Cheol-ha didn't even call her back, deliberately laughing to himself while still lying down. But Gyeong-ae expected Cheol-ha to call her again. That was a woman’s weak and yet beautiful point.

Cheol-ha ate breakfast and left the front gate. He walked without a destination. He came to some intersection. Many people were standing there waiting for the streetcar. He saw one woman standing there waiting for the streetcar. That woman was not as pretty as his own older sister, but she had a beautiful quality that his older sister did not possess, it seemed to him. He stared for a while, then took a couple of steps and turned back again. He saw Yeongbin standing next to her. Yeongbin was standing there talking to that woman. Cheol-ha, unable to contain his joy, said:

"Hey! Yeongbin, long time no see! You haven't come even once. My older sister is very..."

"Yes... Yes... Where are you going?"

Yeongbin was very cold. He seemed to quite dislike Cheol-ha. And as if wishing for the streetcar to come quickly, he stared in the direction the streetcar was coming. Cheol-ha, still happy, continued,

"Oh, anywhere is fine. Really, it has been a long time. It is a good thing we met, as I was just about to go see you. If you are not busy, please come with me to our house."

Yeongbin, who previously would have stepped forward to go before even being asked, said very coldly today,

"No, I have something to do today. I will drop by sometime soon."

Then a streetcar came racing. Yeongbin got on the streetcar with that woman, almost not even tipping his hat, and said,

"I will see you again."

Cheol-ha stood there in disbelief. The streetcar left. Cheol-ha, staring blankly at the streetcar running away far, suddenly felt a surge of anger,

"Ugh! So infuriating..."

A human instinct... while lying in his room this morning he had deliberately joked and mocked his sister's love for Yeongbin, but now he could not help but weep tears and feel heartbroken for his sister's misfortune. 'Did my most beloved sister hear herself called a lover by a false artist, a vagabond, a devil-like man like Yeongbin?' Thinking this, he decided he must get revenge. He rushed in the direction the streetcar had gone.

He clenched his fists and mumbled something. Again he went without a destination. He did not go home all day, just wandered around. He met few people. It was almost evening. The electric lights were turned on. Cheol-ha, decided to get revenge on Yeongbin, entered his front gate.

"Is anyone there..."

he called out. A servant came out, looked, said nothing, and went in, then Yeongbin came out,

"Ah! I apologize deeply for earlier. Please come in."

and welcomes him warmly as before. Cheol-ha felt a thought that he had suspected Yeongbin in vain, and half of the furious thoughts he had held all day disappeared.

Cheol-ha braced himself at the room door and looked inside,

"No. I was told to come by for just a moment, so I did."

"Your sister also came by earlier."

Yeongbin seemed to be forcing unutterable words out. Some shadow of sin seemed visible on his face. Cheol-ha's anger completely flew away at the word that his sister had come by. However, in his head, when he heard the words that a woman who was his sister had come by to Yeongbin’s room where no one else was, visions of kissing a woman, of a lustful act appeared, and he also thought of the cuteness of love. He gave a smile and said,

"Yes, is that so? Then I was rather late. Well, I will be going now."

"Why go without even entering the room?"

"No. It is fine. I must go quickly."

Cheol-ha came out to the front gate and, as if having thought of something again, asked Yeongbin,

"Who was that woman earlier?"

Yeongbin hesitated and then said,

"Yes... Yes... She is my cousin."

"Yes... Is that so? Well, come by our house tomorrow. Good night."

Cheol-ha trudged back to his own house. As Cheol-ha was untieing his shoelaces at the end of the inner porch, Gyeong-ae saw her younger brother return and came out happily, yet with a bashfulness she did not have before, for some reason, and asked,

"Where did you go that you come only now?"

"I just wandered around for no reason."

Cheol-ha did not know his older sister's bashfulness. Cheol-ha asked his sister in return,

"Where did you go today, Older Sister?"

Gyeong-ae hesitated and said, flustered,

"Yes, to a friend's house for a moment..."

"Anywhere else?"

"Nowhere."

Hearing this, Cheol-ha’s heart felt chilled. And looking up at his sister, he asked again,

"Really nowhere?"

"Why are you acting this way..."

"Just because."

Tears seemed about to well up in Cheol-ha’s eyes. A feeling of unutterable resentment and sorrow that felt like it was breaking his heart became intolerable. 'Ah... why does my one and only beloved sister lie to me? If love means that even the righteousness of siblings is lost? Ah... I will not love. My older sister has lied to me for the first time in her life. I have not a single person to trust anymore. Why lie to me instead of saying she went to Yeongbin’s? Is there some sin in that? Is some secret hidden?'

Gyeong-ae, seemingly scarcely able to endure it, said,

"To his house."

and her face turned red.

"Whose house is his house? Who is he?"

"I mean Yeongbin."

"Yes... Yeongbin, then why did you lie earlier? Ugh... I have not a single person to trust anymore."

He suddenly burst into tears. He ran into his room without a sound.

"In this world, there is not a single person to trust..."

He lay face down and sobbed as he cried. The electric light quietly illuminated the entire room.

Gyeong-ae, seeing that her younger brother, who was so prone to crying to begin with, was crying because of her mistake, felt somewhat pitiful, and also a true emotion of love welled up. She opened Cheol-ha’s room door. Cheol-ha was crying, lying face down without even covering himself with a blanket. If she had seen Yeongbin doing this? Gyeong-ae’s heart? She would have hugged him and even kissed him, but for Cheol-ha, for whom she couldn't do that, she gently wiped away the tears welling up on Cheol-ha’s lower eyelashes that reflected the electric light. Cheol-ha had fallen asleep. He often let out long sighs and breathed soft breaths.

Gyeong-ae thought: why did I lie to my younger brother, to whom I had never lied once? Ah... the pleasure of the body is the sin of all. Even something embraced by a lover is a sin. That sin made me lie to my most beloved younger brother.

She stared into her younger brother's pallid face and cried more and more. However, she did not have the courage to tell her younger brother what had happened that day. She picked up a pen and paper, intending to write about the pleasures she had experienced that day. She wrote.

Cheol-ha woke from his sleep. A man without hope. No one helps him. Shall I trust in God? Lean on him? Ask for help? But what if God is not real? Yes. I cannot trust in or lean on God either. There was no faith within his heart. There was no comfort from God in his heart. God’s comfort is for those who have it, and not for those who do not. Also, it was said that there is no need to eliminate what is there, nor is there any need to deliberately create what is not there.

He cried all night long. This evening, he did not have beautiful dreams like the previous evening. In the early morning, he read what his sister had written. However, he did not read it with any curiosity.

Yeongbin had welcomed Gyeong-ae into his bed. The ripening love was ruined. The love, thin and thin as a fully ripe cherry, its thin, thin skin that cannot endure, has burst. However, from that very moment of bursting, that love was no longer cuteness. From after the love burst, Gyeong-ae felt some unutterable anguish. Having eternal hope that the momentary pleasure would continue forever, she was hit with some grief and shame after that moment passed. And so she lied to her most beloved younger brother. And she cried all day the next day, too. She said,

'O God, why did you let me come into the world as a weak one? O God of fate, why did you let me be born a descendant of Eve? Cannot soft, tender flesh, red lips holding lust, two eyes concealing an aphrodisiacal emotion, and boiling blood be made for anything other than shame and bait for the strong?'

and was heartbroken by herself.

Cheol-ha read Gyeong-ae's words, which were like a confession, and said nothing, just thought: the result of love has indeed been torn, but isn't it true that there is nothing to be ashamed of? If only the shame of falsehood is not there, that is enough. If only eternal love is there, that is enough. If only Yeongbin and Older Sister are one eternal person, that is enough. However, a woman is weak. She was ashamed of that momentary pleasure and lied to me.

Morning came. The sun poured down purely red light into the morning fog. Servants came in and out, and the sound of a knife hitting a chopping board came from the kitchen. It was a beautiful morning. A busy morning.

Gyeong-ae woke and went to Cheol-ha's room. Through the crack in the window, she peeked at Cheol-ha, who was sleeping. Cheol-ha was sleeping soundly. Gyeong-ae stared blankly only into the air and stood without a sound.

Cheol-ha barely opened his eyes and yawned. Gyeong-ae, who was standing outside, jumped, startled, and ran over there. Cheol-ha opened the window and looking at Gyeong-ae, said,

"Why are you standing there? Instead of coming in."

He seemed not a bit different, just like usual. Gyeong-ae was instead ashamed and could not look straight at Cheol-ha.

"What are you doing, sit there."

"What’s wrong?"

and with a clumsy tone, said,

"I was very worried because you did nothing but cry."

"I am thankful that you are worried, but it is unavoidable. However, what about Father?"

"What about him? Same as always."

"Is that so."

and he lowered his head as if thinking for a moment, then suddenly raised his head and said,

"Older Sister, then I have no choice but to use the very last resort. It was a mistake for me to hope for anything from my parents. I cannot spend pointless time like this without being able to do what I want to do. Staying in this house only brings tears."

"Then what do you mean by that?"

"I am leaving. I will go without a destination."

"You, talking crazy again. If you go, where will you go?"

"You call me crazy! Hmph!"

"Don't talk like that and just endure a little longer. Mother and I will do something about it, so calm your mind and endure just a little longer. Also, you talk of going without a destination, if you go, where will you go? You'll just become a beggar at best. Only you will have a hard time. What do you have? Money? Knowledge?"

"Yes, I will become a beggar. A beggar is freer, happier. Do I not seem like a beggar right now? I am a beggar who is getting Father's food. But my mind is always painful. I would rather be freer, a happy beggar with peace of mind even if I have to beg for a lump of cold food."

In his heart, for a moment, boiling blood of determination welled up.

'I will leave this family. This cold family. And then I will flow as I become, as I go. Sleeping exposed to the dew beneath a pillar of a silent, empty, lonely temple, begging for a lump of food and eating it rolled in cold water... Ah, the longed-for life of wandering! A single lily blooming by the roadside is so beautiful without doing anything... and a single sparrow cannot eat ten sacks of rice at once. Pitiful ones! Foolish ones! Leave today's worries to today, and tomorrow's worries to tomorrow. Ah, even in a dark cave there is a place for me, and even where skeletons are piled up there are my friends. Do they not also hold banquets for the angels of the sky in a thatched cottage, and isn't there sweet affection even beneath the fishing boat light twinkling in the endless ocean?

Do not know its oceanness with a single drop of water, so how does a person say they are big and pretend to be someone? Will you take your wealth with you, will you buy land and carry it with you? O women who apply oil to your body that ants will swarming after you die, if you apply powder and oil, do you think you won't rot in the ground and live again? Leave! Leave from falsehood, and leave from a place without love! Your place to go is anywhere in this world, and a small patch of land to bury your body is in some mountain corner... Ah! I will go. Aurora of the spirit, lead me. True star and bright star, you are everywhere. Ah! Let me go, I shall go.'

He decided this. However, he could not help but shed tears. The physical him, the emotional him, could not help but cry.

"Older Sister, I am leaving. Like a cloud resting and passing over a high peak of Samgaksan mountain, I will go. Like the red sun setting over the western hills, only going and not coming back, I will go. Crossing mountains and crossing waters, sometimes walking, sometimes by boat, going to the frozen land, and to a stream flowing through a grove, and to India, and to Egypt, and to Jerusalem, and to Italy, and anywhere, I will go."

At this moment, a servant brought a letter and put it in front of Gyeong-ae. Happy, she tore it open and read it.

'Gyeong-ae, your younger brother insulted me. He suspected my sincere love and gave me shame. I will never see your siblings again. Your younger brother suspected me and asked, "Who was that woman?" That woman is truly my lover. Look at the radiance of her eyes, the affection of love that cannot be matched by any of your soft flesh and soft lips. Look at her cheeks, the symbol of fire starting in a burning heart. She is truly a living one. However, you are a dead one. A dead one must love only a dead one. That is all.

• Yeongbin'

Gyeong-ae lay face down on the ground and cried. Tearing up the letter, she said,

"Artist? What is art, is it a spell to curse death, a witch’s solo, a painting too obscene to even look at, what is it all. How is it that art like love is like that? Ah, so infuriating. You, too, stop all art. Artists are all devils. Stop everything."

She keeps on sobbing as she cries. She keeps on feeling infuriated, and on one hand seeing her sister doing that, a disappointing thought arose, making his heart keep on feeling painful.

"Older Sister, what is wrong."

"What is what? I have been defiled by an artist. I have been tricked. Stop everything, artists are all snakes. Devils. Like the snake that tricked Jehovah. Stop everything."

Cheol-ha’s heart was just heartbroken. His warm blood, flowing without a break, suddenly seemed completely blocked. His sister, the most trustable and most beloved sister, was defiled by a fake artist, a snake, a devil... Ah! That beautiful and clean body was defiled in that moment. No, no, it is not that moment. It is not that moment that defiled. I do not blame the result of love that transcended form. However, within Yeongbin’s head, he was already defiling my sister long ago. Within his invisible head, he had welcomed my sister into his bed tens of thousands of times. The visions of lust in his head were countless. Ah, Devil, Snake, you are the snake that seduced Eve in Eden long ago. Just as innocent, pure Eve came to know all the pain of the world because of that snake, you gave my sister pain. You made me lie to a person without obstacles. You made me curse all of life.

Cheol-ha’s heart suddenly seemed to burst. Like blocked water bursting. His blocked blood raced again at a high speed. His nerve, like the center of scales, received the stimulus of the racing warm blood and was infinitely excited. He suddenly cried out,

"Older Sister!"

and said,

"Older Sister has insulted art. Art is not something that exists as a whole or a part. As long as there is life, art will not disappear. Ah, Older Sister has insulted all of life. Older Sister has insulted herself and insulted her most beloved younger brother... Ah, I truly cannot listen to those words just as they are. I truly cannot listen to Older Sister’s words that seem to press down on my neck just as they are. Ah, if I am a snake, a devil, then Older Sister is a temptress unlike any other. A temptress that rips apart human flesh with thin teeth. A 야차(夜叉) wandering above graves. Ah, my heart is like to burst. The heart beating in my chest seems pierced by a devil’s knife. Ah, what should I do, Older Sister... Yes..."

Gyeong-ae, seeing her younger brother’s heartbreaking distress, seeing him collapsed and clutching his chest as he cried, and seeing the unbearable grief bundled in his voice that seemed like resentment towards her... with an overflowing benevolence, as a woman after all, a heart where unutterable resentment and sorrow and love and wisdom were mixed arose, and she stared at her younger brother with eyes filled with tears. Her eyes, staring silently blankly, were filled with the light of love. Every time her tears flowed down her white cheeks, she swallowed her spit and a sigh welled up in her heart. In a breaking voice, she comforted him,

"Cheol-ha, let's stop everything, let's forget what has passed, I will love you just as before. I will never lie to you again. Ah, however, I am infuriated. Truly infuriated..."

"Everything is an emotion of a moment. However, Older Sister, seeing the infuriated Older Sister, I am more infuriated. I am more infuriated than Older Sister... Ugh... I cannot endure it just like that. I cannot endure it. I cannot endure it unless I die and disappear. That man is my enemy more than being Older Sister’s enemy. He has insulted art."

Cheol-ha, receiving his sister's loving surrender, suddenly became even more excited. And jumped up.

"No, I cannot remain still."

His sister grabbed his clothes and asked,

"Where are you going?"

"Let go, I cannot leave that man just like that. I cannot leave a man like a snake, a devil, just like that. While there is no sharp knife like passion in my hand, I will crush that man’s heart even with this hand. Let go, well... let go."

Gyeong-ae’s hand was trembling and staring at him with a gaze seemingly bundled with pleading emotion in a low voice, she 말렸다:

"Hey, why are you doing this, you cannot act so emotionally. Well, endure. Endure..."

"Then, Older Sister, do you value that devil Yeongbin’s life more than me, more than my life? It cannot be. It cannot."

Gyeong-ae’s heart was loving after all. There was still traces left within her heart. The memory of the sweet dream of a pointless past time even made her suspect Yeongbin favorably. She came to recognize her misfortune as somewhat promising of hope and dawn light. Why would Yeongbin have done that? Wasn't that some mistake? she thought. And at certain times, her love for her younger brother fell short in contrast to Yeongbin’s.

Cheol-ha, very coldly, said,

"I have stood up. I have stood up for Older Sister, and I have stood up for art. I cannot sit again."

"Hey, if you say you are doing this for me, then why do you not listen to my plea! Well... sit down, sit. No misunderstanding should arise from doing something in such a rush. Yes!"

"I cannot sit down. If Older Sister is asking me to bend my once-risen mind for Yeongbin... Ah... Yes, I understand. I will not go to Yeongbin. It is not that I am not going for Yeongbin, but for my Older Sister..."

"Ah, really thank you. Then sit here."

"Even so, I cannot sit. I am a person who has stood up. A youthful young man with blood and energy. I will dedicate my body for Older Sister. Well... let go, I will go where I want to go. Well... let go."

Gyeong-ae did not know what to do. She pulled Cheol-ha's clothes, behaving like a child and also resenting him, and hanging onto him, she collapsed and cried loudly for a long moment. Cheol-ha’s heart, seeing that sight, was painful. Tears flowed without end.

"Older Sister, then what should I do, I cannot go, I cannot stay, what are you telling me to do!"

"I do not know what I should do either. However, I cannot let you go. I cannot let you go."

Cheol-ha wished he could just vanish as he was. However, the more he saw his sister's tears and sighs, the weaker his heart became. Cheol-ha's determination began to cool. As if completely having given up,

"Then let go, I will... stop everything. I will not go..."

he said. When he went to his desk again, let out a sigh with , and was about to lay face down with his arms folded and head on it, a servant opened the window and called,

"Agāssi, Mānim tells you to come in for a moment."

and looked up with a suspicious, curious smile. Gyeong-ae wiped her tears and went out without a sound. As she slightly turned her body, her white and clean clothes slightly billowed in the wind, and Cheol-ha clearly saw the contour of her soft physical body. Ah, lust! He lowered his head again and lay face down on the desk. He kept on crying. The room is quiet. At that time, there was no consciousness in Cheol-ha's head. He briefly fell asleep.

He was lying face down with his head on the ground. Everything on all four sides was just a broad, vast desert where only the horizon was visible. Nothing could be seen. Over there in a hollow lay the body of a traveler who had suffered harm from thieves. From somewhere unidentifiable, the cry of a beast is heard. Two or three date palm trees in the distance waved their fan-like leaves. It was something quiet and silent that brought lonely and fearful thoughts.

His tears leaked from beneath his lying arms and flowed like a stream. His throat was dry and his heart was heartbroken. Fear arose. He could not open his eyes slightly and look at other places. When the sound of the passing wind came, his hair stood on end, and he wondered if it was not the sound of a ghost flapping its wings. However, his crying did not stop. His crying did not stop even from extreme fear. He kept on crying.

Then gold light appeared among the clouds of the sky. The entire desert was filled with the radiance of joy. Even the body killed by thieves shone with the radiance of joy all over. In that cloud appeared the benevolent face of Jesus, who had died on the cross on Mount Calvary two thousand years ago. In his face, which did not even smile, was filled with a light of pathos and a light of love. He came straight close into the air above where Cheol-ha was lying face down. He stared at Cheol-ha for a moment, then raised his right hand. From his nail marks, red blood stained the white clouds red and dropped onto Cheol-ha's hair. And again it colored the white sand red. At that time, all the angels sang a song praising Jesus. The cloud, Jesus, and the angels all vanished.

Cheol-ha raised his head and looked up. However, it did not give any comfort. The blood on the sand completely vanished. His mind was painful and fearful as before. He lay face down again. Before he knew it, the moon rose in the sky. The entire desert was covered in cold and blue light. Stars twinkled in the air above the horizon. It was a very mysterious night.

From somewhere, the sound of a janggo drum and a flute was heard. That sound announced very hedonistic music. At that time, in the darkness over there, a Demon-King, who seemed very good-natured and was grinning broadly, came dancing graceully to the melody of the flute and janggo, closer here. He wore blood-colored clothes on his body. On the sand beneath the footsteps he trod, blue liquid was pooled. He nodded his head to the Moon and the Stars, and coming in front of Cheol-ha, danced graceully. He laughed heartily, with fluency. He was a truly joyous Demon-King.

"Ha --- Ha."

grinning broadly grinning moon
please brighten my face
beneath the candlelight of the first night
wearing a 다홍치마(scarlet skirt)
leaning obliquely against something
without a sound
only the bridegroom's face
glaring at from the corner of her eyes
like a new bride’s face
I wish to see the moon's face light.

grinning broadly grinning stars
open red-lantern lane window
stand alone looking outside
see a passing customer
hold skirt string in mouth
twist slender waist twisted
throw a blue laugh
shut the window with a Tok, embarrassed
turn slightly and enter
concealed red love
like a smiling lady, that
pray to throw me also that laugh.
Hahaha, hahaha.

Water flowing above the sky
it became the Milky Way
on earth it is water, but
in the sky it is only sake
sake flowing without stop
pour into human world, too
this Demon-King without tears
and this Demon-King without sighs
and this Demon-King without resentment
and this Demon-King without falsehood
and this Demon-King who only laughs
and me who only knows joy
and me who only knows love
giddily in a dream
trying to live eternally
may I be allowed to serve all this Demon-King’s friends.
Hahaha, hahaha.
The Demon-King put his mouth to Cheol-ha’s ear and,

"Cheol-ha."

he called in a low voice, very seductively.

"Cheol-ha, wake up. What are concerns and why shed tears? I do not know that until now. Come---wake up. I will give you what will erase all those tears and concerns."

Cheol-ha quietly raised his eyes and looked. He hesitated for a small moment.

"Haha, Cheol-ha, you must know me, the sweet that is always thrilling, like an unblemished maiden's red lips!

Come---be my friend. If you befriend me, you will become like that Moon and the Stars, not knowing concerns, not knowing tears at any time. Come, let us dance and play, singing the with me. Hahaha, hahaha."

Cheol-ha took his hand and stood up. The Demon-King fed Cheol-ha the blue-colored liquid pooled in his footsteps. Cheol-ha came to forget all concerns, all pain. And then danced gracefully together with the Demon-King. And in his heart, only hot passion kept on arising. His lips became gradually redder and his entire body seemed burning with passion. He even forgot shame and took off his clothes.

At that time, there was someone who took his hand with a soft and warm hand. The passion in his heart rose higher. He turned around. Behind Cheol-ha, she make her eyebrows blue and was showing her breasts, and in her mouth was a grinning smile of unspeakable passion, and she reflected the unutterable soft marble-like flesh contour of her physical body, burning like a spring mirage through her single-layered clothes under the blue moonlight. Beneath her bare feet sparkled sand like diamonds.

The red heart within Cheol-ha's chest beat at the highest speed. When he stared at her lips where the dew of love seemed to be seeping through his eyes slightly drunk on the Demon-King, he, unknowingly, embraced her swelling and soft breasts. He gave a burning kiss. It was a moment of supernature. At that time, again the fluent Demon-King's grinning broad laugh was heard.

"Hahaha, hahaha."

Cheol-ha spent a few hours like a dream. At this moment, a distant bell announcing dawn was heard. The Demon-King and that woman were startled, held hands, and vanished into the dawn light. The moon passing over to that side of the western horizon seemed angry and unpleasant, glaring at Cheol-ha. The stars seemed to be rubbing their eyes. Cheol-ha was left alone, then lay face down again. His mind was envious.

Ah, lovely dawn light seeped into from that side of the eastern horizon. The sky cleared bluishly. He heard a long and deep violin sound that made his spirit drunk, though it was not form what place it was coming. The voice of a virgin who was not harmed in the least was heard, transformed into the musical sound coming from over there at the end of the sky. However, he did not know form what place that sound came and to what place it went. At that time, Cheol-ha wept tears and stared at the distant end of the sky over there.

That musical sound came infinitely, crossing mountains and waters. That invisible sound first transformed into something that looked faint like a spring mirage, and next transformed into something like a white cloud rising above the horizon in summer, and later transformed into a goddess possessing a physical body. She walked across the desert close to Cheol-ha. When Cheol-ha saw that goddess's brilliant eyes, ah, all concerns and tears vanished. He seemed like that goddess, and the goddess seemed like him. However, there were tears in the goddess's eyes. New morning light reflected that. The Goddess of Music said nothing. She only held Cheol-ha's hand and stared blankly listlessly. She was an emotional goddess. Tears kept on flowing from her eyes. That tear dropped onto the back of Cheol-ha's hand. That goddess embraced Cheol-ha, as if a mother was soothing a young child. Cheol-ha held that goddess tightly. However, that goddess was trying to return. Cheol-ha did not let go. At that time, the goddess's body transformed like a cloud, and transformed like a spring mirage, and transformed into an invisible sound. And passed over to that horizon over there. Cheol-ha was holding only the vanished hand of the goddess. He lay face down again and cried.

When Cheol-ha opened his eyes, the fine hand of his older sister was holding the hand that had held that goddess. His older sister was holding his hand and scattering tears upon it.